my thoughts...

I haven't been on this blog long.  However I have been on this blog long enough to meet some pretty amazing people..

 

This community is changing me.  Opening my eyes to people and places and parts of life that I never knew existed...

 

It is becoming an outlet to share what travels around inside my head and wants to get out...  Sometimes I feel like maybe these thoughts could make a difference...

 

Today is one of those days... 

 

I received a little note the other day from one of my fellow bloggers who is expecting her third little one soon... I wrote this long before I started this blog but my thoughts haven't changed, they have only grown stronger....  

I have debated on publishing this post for a long time, until I had a little conversation with her and decided that today maybe my thoughts could help anyone who is on the fence...

 

Having Three Kids

I always knew that I wanted three kids… at least I thought that I did… but I was never really sure.  It was around Madison’s first birthday (it usually does for me) that the baby bug started biting again.  My husband and I would talk so often about how tough life was during Madison’s first year and about how we never wanted to go through that again.  Still deep down inside of me I still had more love to give.  More places at the table, more time to rock, bathe, tickle, walk, kissy face, more raw love someone so much it hurts love to give.  It wasn’t until my husband and I decided to make the decision final that the talk about making our family a family of five became a serious discussion.  My husband and I aren’t patient people, often times as soon as we make a decision we are full gusto to complete the task.  With this decision it was something more.  We (I) found patience I never knew I had.  I title this journal Having Three Kids because often times I would sit at the computer and type in those exact three words and pour over all of the articles and life experiences of other families.  I would weigh the pros and cons.  My mind would slip back to the times I felt half crazy (no exaggeration) and couldn’t wait for the day to be over and hope for a fresh start in the morning.  Quickly I would close the computer or move to a different site.  Sometimes I would find a website or blog about a family of five and be in tears by the end about how much a baby making five had fulfilled their lives. 

Living in a family of five is the norm for my husband and me.  I was one of three, he was one of three. It only made sense.  We decided on a time that we would start “trying” again.  This time we were talking about it a year ahead of time.  Something that we never do.  We let the year go by and continued to talk about it and communicate with each other about our fears, our future, and our family.  When it was time, we took a leap of faith.  The leap that so many other mothers wrote about on their blogs, and on their websites.  This time was so different.  This time meant so much because this time we were taking a leap of faith.  There was no set time schedule, no perfect month, just making our family bigger and welcoming a new baby into our family and into our lives.

It took one try and here we are.  We welcomed Lauren Abigail  into our lives on March 27, 2012 (two weeks early).  Life on that day changed for me.  That day I became a better Mommy.  I no longer was able to compare one child to the next, no longer could I focus on the negative behavior all day; no longer did I feel like someone was missing.  She was there in my arms.  The completion to the big question that sat in the back of our minds and hearts.  The stay in the hospital was different as well.  Often times in my past deliveries on the first night of my child’s birth I would have thoughts creep into my head that would scare me to death.  Am I ready for this?  Can I give this child everything they need?  This is for the rest of your life.  Your life just changed forever can you handle it?  The night that Lauren was born I was so elated, so blessed, so comfortable with my life and where I was.  Starring it all in the face and ready to take it on.  Ready to bring her home and start life together as a family of five.

The months have flown by like the wind.   I sit here on Madison’s third birthday and can’t help but cry.  It wasn’t so long ago that she was the baby that I was holding in my arms.  Now she is in preschool and has her ears pierced. My little guy is writing, and spelling… growing into a big kid, and my little one… my last, is almost 7 months old already.  The dynamic of our family is awesome.  Never do I get the feeling that any child gets more attention than another.  My middle child doesn’t suffer from middle child syndrome (if that is even a real thing), and life is good.  So many times during my day I thank the Lord for helping us take the leap.  I thank the Lord for the best husband in the world, for without his continual devotion to our family it wouldn’t be as awesome as it is.  All of the great parts of life happen in front of my eyes every day and I am so lucky to have a front row seat.  Having Three Kids… So glad I did!

 

I really do hope that this post helps some of you... I know that I looked to other mothers for their thoughts, experiences and fears.  Here is where I did a lot of reading... Her columns are really funny and bring a different light to having three kids.   Here is the one that changed my life....