Motherhood: Changing with the Seasons

In the past year my life as a Mom has changed quite a bit.  Our three little ones are moving from baby to big kids.  We have officially moved out of baby stage and into a new season in our life. First it was the crib, then the slowly after came the diapers, finally the pacifier...  The transition so smooth and seamless it was hard for anyone to notice. Even me... For the big kids, came showers instead of tubby and homework instead of meltdowns.  The lunches I make go into lunch boxes instead of on the table in their own specific places and life has changed... again...




I don't know if I will ever get used to the ever changing world of motherhood.  Often times the good stages last about half the time of rough ones.  Time goes by,  the sun rises and it sets and we start a new day.  It isn't until I sit down to organize pictures or to write in baby books that I realize the days seem to be moving faster.  Often times I get lost looking at pictures as tears fill my eyes wondering where all of the precious memories have gone... And then I feel a calm come over me, telling me that this new stage of Motherhood will be good.  That it is time to fine tune all of the repetitive actions I have taken to make these little ones have a good place in the world.  To be kind and care for others and always help others first, leave it better than you found it and so it goes...


In the trenches of Motherhood it is easy to get caught up in the everyday.  When your children are young, you have no choice but to live in the moment, because let's be honest... We are at our children's mercy. 


I went for a walk today which is so rare for me.  I was in need of some exercise after a long week of fighting off a bad cold alongside my three little ones colds.  I love walks because from the first step my mind races faster than my feet can take me.  I think, I solve, sometimes I pray... Something happened for me today that hasn't happened since my kids were born.  I started to think about the next step in life I will take after my kids all enter into school.  It was an odd feeling.  For so many years now I have worried about the next step and whether the sacrifices I made in order to share a front seat into my children's lives was the right one.  I have always felt worried that I didn't have a desire to return to work let alone what I was going to work towards once I got to that point.  The only thing I knew was that I was not interested in remaining a classroom teacher.  On my walk I thought about what it would be like try something I have never done, why at this point in my life why the sky shouldn't be the limit... What have I spent the past 7 years of my life worried about?  Why have I allowed my shallow thoughts convince me that the only things I should become are the ones I am already good at?  I allowed myself to dream again.  Far beyond where I have ever dreamt before... 


It is now that the little moments of everyday fill me with so much joy.  Watching my first grader work through his math problems, the snuggles that are so few and far between, listening to him read to me... Sigh...  My brown eyed beautiful middle child who takes on life with such grace, who shows compassion at it's finest and who asks the hard questions.  Our caboose who spends her everyday keeping pace with the big kids, who is curious, feisty, and is guaranteed to make you laugh.  It is now that life is happening.  It is now that I see all of the ways that I have shaped them and they have changed me.  Maybe motherhood is giving me the stairs to reach the stars... Because after all, that is what I have taught them to do right?   I see it everyday, when Shawn talks about school, or when Madison recognizes a word she can read.  When Lauren cuts on a line with scissors for the first time.   


Changing into the next season of motherhood feels really good.  Refreshing.  The hard part is not over, nor has it even begun in some aspects.  Some seasons will be harder to trudge through more than others, but this season we are in right now is inspiring...

Dear...

You have grown so much this past year.  Every year I say that, but this year I think you made great strides. 


You learned to love yourself more... Inside more than anywhere else... You stopped focusing on what you didn't want to become and worked on who you want to be and it's working...


You accepted the fact that life is what it is and that worrying about everyone and everything is all for not... You learned that if you do the best you can that is all you can do...


You beat some pretty tough stuff... The passing of your Aunt... A daughters broken leg... Supporting friends battling cancer...  All of this has left you feeling a little vulnerable and worried, but it will all be okay...


You became a better mother...  Slow to react, relaxed, carefree, able to sit back and enjoy all of the wonders that are happening around you... You're doing it and you are working your way through the hard parts... and really enjoying the breathtaking ones...


Your kids are getting older and more independent... That means a little more time to work on you... On your relationships with your husband, family, friends... On you and what you want to accomplish on your next step in this journey. 


You continue to keep yourself healthy and do the best that you can to set an example for your daughters...


You are starting to go with the flow instead of trying to swim upstream with certain areas in your life...


You have learned that comparisons are nonsense... and a total waste of time if you really are true to yourself...


You know that kindness matters... no matter what anyone else says... and it's contagious too.


You value family.   That will never change...


You have so much of your life ahead of you... Keep looking ahead and not behind... Stay confident, love hard, be helpful and kind.  Look beyond what is in front of you...Believe it when people say it goes way too fast... 


Keep dreaming even if it seems out of reach...


God made you, you for a reason... Accept that and cherish it always...


Love,
Me